- Tall, lanky offensive juggernaut
- Way too nice. Needs to smack Russell Westbrook
- Secretly wishes he still played in Seattle
The best player in the Western Conference, Durant continues to improve each year despite Russell Westbrook’s nightly sabotages of shot-stealing and ball-domination. Durant probably dies a little bit inside every time Bestbrook decides OKC’s best offensive option is his own sub-par, off-balance jump shot. When Russell does decide to pass and play second fiddle, Durantula appears like a beacon amidst the foggy waters of the Puget Sound Oklahoma River.
It must be really painful to watch the Thunder if you’re from Seattle. Imagine you asked someone to marry you and they said no for reasons you’ll never understand, married someone else, had prodigy kids and started a non-profit that ended world hunger. That’s what Kevin Durant must feel like for Seattle.
I would suggest Seattle fans get in touch with Brad Stevens, aka Skynet, who could send a cyborg back in time to make sure Clay Bennett never gets to do that horrible thing he did to Seattle. He’ll be a much easier find than John or Sarah Connor.
