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The Insufferable Scorecard of Tiger Woods

Here’s a list of things I would rather see than Tiger not win anything: The Los Angeles Lakers try to play basketball. Golf. Hot dogs. Oatmeal cooking on a campfire stove. A water fountain that doesn’t work. A frog doing the throat inflation thingy. Paper. An organ that plays itself. Shoes.

Sochi Apocalypse

Sochi

Horace Smith believes there should be a new test for the Winter Olympics. The locations should be cold enough to spur the desire to consume massive amounts of alcohol.

Open Letter to Alex Rodriguez

Open Letter to Alex Rodriguez

It goes without saying that we’d all be a lot better off had you just accepted your punishment the first time around, instead of continuing to deny, deny, deny, even as the evidence mounted up. Instead, you dragged us through your pity party, and rather than ask for forgiveness, you played the victim. Not very baseball-y of you, A-Rod.

Breaking Bad: Football’s Power Overdose

Roger Goodell

Horace Smith believes with football’s power comes great responsibility – but instead of embracing that responsibility, football has collapsed inward and upon itself.