Great Time to Be a Hater: Cowboys, Kobe Bryant, and New York Yankees

Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bryant
Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bryant
Dec 16 2013 Atlanta GA USA Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bryant 24 tries to keep the ball in bounds in the first quarter against the Atlanta Hawks at Philips Arena Daniel Shirey USA TODAY Sports

I don’t have any qualms about displaying my love for my favorite Chicago pro franchises. I love seeing the faces on people and hearing their voices tremble when I informed them that not only do I “root, root for the Cubbies,” but I also have enough love to share for the Chicago White Sox as well. When I heard the news that the White Sox had acquired both Adam Eaton and Matt Davidson in trades, I was jumping for joy, sharing the good news like Ned Flanders on Easter Sunday. I didn’t give a damn if I was telling a Cubs’ fan or not, I was overjoyed when I heard that the Sox were actually mimicking their North Side counterparts in terms of actually running a Major League Baseball franchise with a plan in mind and a blueprint at hand.

Check out how the Chicago White Sox acquired Adam Eaton and read our profile on Matt Davidson.

However, just like I have plenty of love to dish out for my favorite Chicago teams, I certainly have lots and lots of hate to disperse all over the sports’ realm. I have so much passionate hate for these teams and players, I should qualify for next year’s Player Hater of the Year Award. Why? Because this year, the hater in me has had plenty to smile about.

Let’s start with baseball and the St. Louis Cardinals. Now I’ll admit that I have been calling the Cardinals “the best organization in baseball” throughout the year. But seeing them falter against the Boston Red Sox in the World Series was not only a good moment for me, but also a sigh of relief. I couldn’t dare deal with yet another World Series title in St. Louis. I would never hear the end of it from Cardinals’ fans. It’s bad enough they think that their team is God’s gift to baseball. Another title would have validated that. Too bad God is a Yankees’ fan with Boston coming in second. It would also explain the overexposure that both clubs get throughout the MLB season, but that’s another bone to pick for another day.

Speaking of the Yankees, I have to preface this by saying that I have been fortunate enough to deal with smart, level-headed Yankee fans on a weekly basis. However, because of the massive, overpopulation of Yankee fans on this planet, too many of them have Internet access and too many of them scream and pout whenever things don’t go their way. For example, when Robinson Cano spurned the Yanks and signed with the Seattle Mariners, the cries from Yankee Nation were so loud and juvenile, it was extremely asinine.

How are you, as a Yankee fan, going to complain about a free agent wanting more years and money on their contract? Your franchise has thrived outbidding every MLB team for decades now! Do you know the old American adage of “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander,” disgruntled Yankee fan? Seeing Yankee fans running around like a goose with its head cut off trying to figure out how a player can reject any offers from Pinstripe Headquarters and coming up with insane scenarios as to how to replace said player is a thing of pure hilarity.

But let’s go back to the inspiration for this piece. The NFL Network just replayed the Green Bay Packers vs. Dallas Cowboys game. It’s one thing to see my Chicago Bears crush the Cowboys on Monday Night Football, but it’s another thing to see them collapse against a shaky, Packers’ team. Now let’s step back for a bit and consider the circumstances. It’s the Packers and the Cowboys. Clearly a conflict of interest. However, even though the Packers are the rival, I respect them as an organization. All you can do is tip your hat to them and try again for next season (or at the very least, Week 17 at Soldier Field). But the hate for the Dallas Cowboys runs deep.

I’ve been hating the Cowboys ever since I watched my first Super Bowl as a kid. My favorite football book of all time is Boys Will Be Boys by Jeff Pearlman where the Cowboys’ dynasty of the 1990s was uncovered as a dysfunctional team that played hard and partied harder. The fact that it’s almost a given to see quarterback Tony Romo and Company disintegrate late in games and manage to let games slip through their hands, especially around this time of year, makes up for the vomit-inducing Super Bowl years. If Christmas is a time for sharing and giving, then the Cowboys are definitely full of holiday spirit as they continue to give away games to opponents.

And the best part is that the man responsible for putting this sorry bunch together for the last 20 years or so refuses to acknowledge that he’s the problem. Jerry Jones has once again rejected the idea of stepping down as the team’s General Manger and hire people who know what they are doing. He virtually explained that he’s the best man for the job in Dallas. Well, as long as he believes that delusional thought, we will continue to see Cowboy meltdowns every season until the day he dies. For that Jerry Jones, I thank you. You truly are the personification of what the holiday season is all about. You are the gift that keeps on giving.

Oh, but I saved the best for last. I’m the biggest Kobe Bryant hater on the planet. No one hates Kobe more than I do. I hate Kobe so much, my dream is to adopt a female dog and name her Kobe just so I can tell all my friends that Kobe is my female dog. Someone once asked me how long I have been hating on Kobe Bryant. I responded, “since the dude was in preschool.”

With the return of Kobe Bryant, he also brings out the army of Kobe fans who have been hiding at Staples Center rooting for the L.A. Clippers while they anxiously awaited for his return. You know those fans, right? The Kobe apologists out there, refusing to accept any criticism of their false idol. Those fans will point at Bryant’s 6.3 assists per game since coming back from injury, but ignore the fact he has been averaging 5.7 turnovers per game. Heck, his first game back against the Toronto Raptors, he scored nine points and committed eight turnovers. Hey, at least he’s finally passing the ball; to the other team, but I guess that still counts as ball distribution.

But the best part about Kobe coming back to the Lakers is the fact that the team has a losing record with him on the court (2-4). Here’s hoping they finish the rest of the season on a miserable note. Preferably with the San Antonio Spurs embarrassing them in the first round of the playoffs.

Every Wednesday you can join me on Google+ and share your hate with me for “Hater Wednesdays.” Try it one time. It’s  the best remedy in the world.

author avatar
Felipe Melecio
Felipe Melecio was the managing editor for the blog Pathological Hate. He believes that math is your friend and numbers can be fun, especially when it comes to baseball. Keep tabs on all his knee-jerk reactions on Twitter: !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0],p=/^http:/.test(d.location)?'http':'https';if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);;js.src=p+'://';fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document, 'script', 'twitter-wjs');