Not again. While Sunday’s main event will officially close out the 2015 National Football League season, there is a level of nervous anticipation that builds. Each passing hour brings me closer to my opportunity for redemption.
One year ago, my fingers danced upon the keyboard with giddy excitement as I laid out the prop bets for the Super Bowl. What color would Katy Perry’s hair be when she starts the Halftime Show? What color Gatorade will be poured on the winning coach? Will Idina Menzel go over or under 2 minutes and 1 second for the National Anthem?
One year later, I’m still bitter. Quit milking it, Idina.
Some might argue that being wrong on nearly every previous prop bet prediction makes this current installment ill-advised. I disagree. Not only is there a strong possibility for a ‘rebound effect’ — this is something we actually do track in-season, so why wouldn’t it matter now? — but the fact that the coin toss landed on tails last year means that, statistically, it must land on heads, right?
Now, to carry that logic through to the rest of my picks.
The prop bets below are compiled from different websites (mainly Bovada), and the opinions given is purely satirical. Do not use this as advice, in any way.
Coin Toss – Heads or Tails
Did you skip the introduction? Heads, obviously. I only wish that the odds-makers threw a wrench into the mix and gave different odds for heads versus tails. As of now, it’s a dead-heat.
How long will it take Lady Gaga to sing the National Anthem? Over/Under 2 minutes 20 seconds
Under. Under under under. I’m so sick of the common belief that all singers drag out the National Anthem. They don’t. Only Idina did. Lady Gaga is much less showy than Elsa. She knows she isn’t bigger than the song.
How many times will Cam Newton do the Open Shirt Superman motion during the game? Over/Under 2.5
Maybe it’s only my perception, but it looks like Cam Newton has focused his celebratory efforts more on ‘dabbing’ than the former favorite of pretending to open his shirt to unveil a Superman logo. If we see the action, at all, it would most likely follow a rushing touchdown — more than a big play. Even if he gets one, he probably won’t get three.
How many times will “dab” or “dabbing” be said by the announcers during the broadcast? Over/Under 2
On the topic of ‘dabbing,’ how many times could the announcers realistically expect to explain it? Even if it is unavoidable once, it probably won’t require repeating. In addition, the announcers for the Super Bowl tend to get less off-track than in regular season games — this is one of the rare picks that I am allowing to carry over from last year.
Will Ted Ginn Jr. drop a pass?
The favorite is that he will. This one looks to easy that I had to break my rules and include an actual game event in the article. The question should instead read, “Will he drop three?”
How many times will the Golden Gate Bridge be shown during the broadcast? Over/Under 0.5
Basically, will it be shown at all? Of course. Although there is the caveat that it must be shown after kickoff. Still, I can’t imagine the broadcast cutting to a commercial and not including the icon of San Francisco at least one time.
Prediction: Over, although it is the heavy favorite, raising a red flag in my mind.
Will Mike Carey be wrong about a challenge?
I actually laughed out loud when reading this the first time. The amazing thing is that the odds are in his favor that he won’t get it wrong. Whenever something appears to be tilted away from common perception, I like to pounce. Someone knows something, and it means the powers-that-be will simply not allow him to get one wrong.
What color will Beyonce’s footwear be when she comes on stage for the Halftime Show?
Time for the real game to begin. I completely nailed the combination of Katy Perry’s open and close as Roar and Firework, respectively, but I’ll admit to being a much bigger fan of Perry than Beyonce. Unfortunately, I’m not a savant on footwear, either, and I’m basically taking the stance that ‘no knowledge is better than some knowledge.’
Prediction: Silver/Grey (5 to 1 odds). I hear a lot of rumblings that ‘Gold/Brown’ (1.5 to 1 odds) is where the smart money lies, but I have committed to sacrificing intelligence and knowledge for ignorance and good odds.
Who will the Super Bowl MVP mention first?
I’m sick of getting burned by this question. Teammates and God (both 2 to 1) are the clear favorites for a reason, but, every time I listen in, I feel like the selfish bums fail to mention anyone. That happens to pay out at just over 2 to 1 odds.
Prediction: No one
What color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is poured on the winning coach?
Another one that has alluded me for years. In hopes of recouping countless losses, I’m taking the biggest longshot of the group for the second consecutive year. Forget the easy picks of orange (1.3 to 1 odds), blue (2.25 to 1 odds, although I can’t picture Gatorade Frost being the drink of choice), or water (surprisingly 6 to 1 odds). I want blood.
Prediction: Red (10 to 1 odds), and I don’t care what the actual liquid is.
Will Peyton Manning announce his retirement after the game?
No, he won’t. He may actually retire — and, if he wins, I’d have to believe that would add to the decision — but he won’t say anything directly about it once the game is over. He’ll wait and announce it after he can ‘consult with his family.’
Prediction: No. After all, we don’t write the script.