The 7 Best Things About DeflateGate

deflategate, tom brady

Embrace the circus. Look at all of this as the highest form of comedy. It’s the only way an NFL fan can possibly stay sane in the chaos of deflated balls, a 243 page report on said balls, the nightly national news leading with the Tom Brady suspension and 24 hour media cycles of DeflateGate DeflateGate DeflageGate.

A quick list of the best parts of DeflateGate:

1. “Now Tom Brady really has his balls in a vise!” — the first line in David K. Li’s NY Post piece on Brady. Really, bullet point one could just be an entire separate list of puns. There are better ones and there are worse ones but the New York newspapers can always be counted on to create some of the best. Let’s take a look some headlines since this circus began:

NFL squeezes Patrtiots’ Balls — NY Post, Jan. 20.

NFL finds Pats’ balls aired out — NY Daily News, Jan. 21.

NFL Bans Men From Touching Its Balls — Deadspin, May 11

and my personal favorite:

My Balls Are Perfect — NY Daily News, Jan. 23.

2. The Brady Press Conference days afer the ball got rolling on all this air in footballs controversy was wonderful. It was over 30 minutes long, for some reason Brady was wearing a colorful winter hat and we got insight like, “I grip it and throw the ball,” and “this isn’t ISIS … no one is dying.” But my favorite statement/question from the press conference posed to Brady was this: “This has raised a lot of uncomfortable conversations from people around this country who view you, a three-time Super Bowl champion and a two-time MVP, as their idol. The question they’re asking themselves is, ‘What’s up with our hero?'” That was a statement/question from one grown man to another grown man.

3. Mark Brunell almost cried after the Brady press conference. He said this while holding back tears: “I did not believe what Tom had to say. Those balls were deflated. Somebody had to do it. And don’t believe there’s an equipment man in the NFL that would, on his own initiative, deflate a ball without his starting quarterback’s approval.”

Mark Brunell is 44 years old.

4. The Skip Bayless Dramatic-Breath-Pause on ESPN’s First Take.

To be fair, 27 minutes of First Take is simply filled with Bayless and Stephen A. Smith dramatic pauses.

5. A 71-year-old ball boy gave himself a nickname. That nickname is “The Deflator.” The Patriots now say his nickname was The Deflator because he was trying lose weight.

6. A New England fan has started a crowdfunding drive through to pay off the $1 million fine the NFL slapped the Patrtiots with. As of this writing fans have raised $15,609. After a quick glance through the donations I see some fans have given upwards of $50 to help Bob Kraft. Kraft’s net worth is $4.3 billion.

7. Gronk dropped a “Deez Nuts” on us:

(via Bleacher Report)

Who knows what we’ll get in the coming weeks. Just remember to focus on the positives of DeflateGate. Have fun with it. It’s not going away.

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Tom Fitzgerald