Human beings love to debate. Who makes the best lasagna? Which team will win the Super Bowl? Which kind of bear is best?
We like to think we can see the future. We believe we know what will happen in a certain event because history tells us so. History is never wrong.
Until it is. And we lose.
For some unknown reason, instead of simply accepting defeat and walking away, we choose to predict more. It isn’t enough that we think a certain team will win a game, but we then have to predict by how much said team will be victorious. “The Steelers? They’re much better than the Jets. I’ll give them a touchdown and still win.”
And we lose again.
That is, until the Super Bowl prop bets are announced.
We may not know football as well as we all like to believe, but we certainly know our Bill Belichick hoodie preference. Or our Gatorade. Or Katy Perry.
With that, we turn to the most exciting spin on watching the ‘big game’ with a group of friends. I follow the game, itself, with complete immersion. But, until I was sitting alongside someone who had predicted that The Who guitarist Pete Townshend would do fewer than twelve of his “legendary” windmills, I never fully appreciated the nuances of the prop bet. Townshend held out for a while, only to bust out a streak of windmills that crushed the over. Silly. The word “legendary” was noted. He was obviously going over.
The prop bets below are compiled from different websites, and the opinions given is purely satirical. Do not use this as advice, in any way.
How long will it take Idina Menzel to sing the National Anthem? Over/Under 2 minutes 1 second
The more these prop bets gain in popularity, the more they become a mainstay at Super Bowl parties. When Menzel starts singing, take a peek around the room at how many people glance at their watches. I’ll be one of them. I’ve done it every year for a while, and it seems like the under always wins. I like to oppose trends during the game, but not with important topics like the length of the National Anthem.
Will Idina Menzel forget or omit at least one word of the National Anthem?
Absolutely not. The numbers agree, as she is a 1-to-6 favorite to sing a perfect Anthem. If you want to go for the home run, take a shot that she stumbles with 4-to-1 odds. I won’t. She’s Elsa. She’s had nothing to do but sing in solitude.
What color hoodie will Bill Belichick wear?
Red is the longshot with 7-to-1 odds, but I can’t possibly see Bill in the brightest of options. It has to be Grey (1-to-2 odds) or Blue (7-to-4 odds).
Prediction: Grey, the darkest option. Why?
Will Bill Belichick smile on camera during the game?
Nope. Not a chance. In fact, it’s the ‘favorite’ between the two choices. I’m basically parlaying these two picks into one, and assuming that the riveting personally we generally see from Belichick remains intact.
Prediction: No. But speaking of intact…
Will Bill Belichick’s sleeves be intact or cut?
So far, this is my favorite question. While Bill’s shining smile is arguably his defining physical characteristic, the next best one is probably his sleeves. In that regard, they will be cut. It’s what he does.
How many times will the announcers refer to the “deflated footballs” or its controversy over the past few weeks? Over/Under 2.5
This one is actually easy. While everyone knows the Super Bowl tends to drag on because of the constant commercial breaks, the announcers stick eerily close to the script of the game. Perhaps this is directly related to the need to cut to commercials as quickly as possible. Whatever the reason, talks don’t deviate.
Prediction: Under. And I’d go under 1.5, as well.
How many times will Gisele Bundchen be shown on television during the game? Over/Under 1.5
Again, the script is straight-forward. Unless Brady breaks some records before the start of the fourth quarter, Bundchen will get approximately six seconds of screen time during one quick cut. At most.
How many times will the announcers mention Katy Perry during the first half? Over/Under 1.5
She will almost certainly be mentioned once, as she is the Halftime show headliner. But twice? Can we pick 1.5 and hope for a push? No. Okay then.
What color will Katy Perry’s hair be when she begins the Halftime show?
Black/Brown leads the way as 2-to-1 favorites, but Pink/Red and Green/Blue at 3-to-1 seem like the most likely options. She’ll want to make somewhat of a splash, but not go too overboard right away. Assuming she doesn’t have a rooting interest in the game, she will probably go wild for the 5-to-1 longshot purple hair, or play it relatively safe with the tried-and-true Pink/Red.
What song will Katy Perry sing first?
I was sold on Firework (3-to-2 odds) for a while, until I realized how perfect of a close that is. Assuming she ends the show with a bang – another parlay opportunity! – Roar (3-to-2 odds) is the logical choice. Dark Horse at 12-to-1 odds is the best longshot to win, with Waking up in Vegas (20-to-1) odds is the surest way to throw away some money.
What will Katy Perry be wearing when she begins the Halftime show?
I’m throwing out Skirt/Dress (4-to-5 odds) because it seems way too simple – this is a woman who has prop bets on the color of her hair, so there’s no way the outfit is standard. With that, Pants below the knee (2-to-1 odds) likely means jeans here, with Shorts above the knee (2-to-1 odds) being the only viable option. Banking on the fact that a bodysuit cut above the knee should count as shorts – I have no idea the official ruling on this, and will search feverishly for a resolution – we may have the perfect setup.
Who will the Super Bowl MVP thank first?
I tend to always pick God (5-to-1 odds), but rarely actually hear it, with teammates (3-to-2 odds) being the next obvious choice. I might lean on the selfish route, and say he thanks no one (2-to-1 odds), but if Russell Wilson gets a chance at the microphone, he’s likely to thank everyone in creation.
Prediction: I’m taking one of the underdogs here. Fans/City at 15/2 odds. Because it was really me that made this happen.
What color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the head coach of the winning team?
We conclude with a splash. Orange (3-2 odds), Yellow (5-to-2 odds), and Water (3-to-1 odds) always seem to win the bet. But I’m sick of the basics. If I ever get the chance to choose the color of the Gatorade, I’m giving some love to the longshot Green (10-to-1 odds). Blue (15-to-2 odds) is always the best looking Gatorade – although it isn’t the best flavor – but I’m going out on limb and saying someone got the memo that the color needs to change. It may even give the appeal that blood is being spilled after a hard-fought battle. After all, aren’t equipment managers running wild these days?
Prediction: Red (15-to-2 odds).