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Mixed Nuts

2014 In Sports: I’ve Seen The Future

Forget the Year in Review, Wade Evanson predicts everything that will happen in 2014 in sports.

Jim Harbaugh
Jim Harbaugh

San Francisco, CA, USA; San Francisco 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh argues during the fourth quarter against the Seattle Seahawks at Candlestick Park. The 49ers defeated the Seahawks 19-17. Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Gone but not forgotten.  While everyone’s busy telling you what happened and why it was of significance to you regarding 2013, I’m opting to buck the trend and tell you not what occurred over the last 12 months, but rather what will occur over the next 52 weeks.

After-all, what’s done is done.  I’m over the Red Sox and their World Series Title, have long moved past the Heat’s and Ravens’ Super Bowl and NBA Championships, and the dynamic duo of Lance Armstrong and Alex Rodriguez have become as popular as a late-1930’s leper.  It’s time to put 2013 in the rearview mirror and look forward to the upcoming slate of surprises, disappointments, and infamous characters the sports world seemingly always provides.

I’m no seer, I’ve got nothing on Nostradamus, and you won’t find a DeLorean in my garage, but I do have a Magic Eight Ball, have won a dollar or two on the roulette wheel, and once passed a multiple choice test without reading the material, so obviously I’ve amply proven evidence of a competent sixth sense.

Right?

Don’t answer that.  Instead, allow me to begin wowing you with my foresight on what we can expect to see in 2014 in sports:

  • The San Francisco 49ers will lose Super Bowl XLVIII.  I know, Jim Harbaugh’s too good of a coach, the 49ers have too good of a defense, and the 49er franchise is too proud to lose back-to-back Super Bowls, but it’s been too long since we’ve had a Vikings, Broncos, or Bills-like Super Bowl loser…and I’m nominating the “City By The Bay” as this decade’s version.
  • Shaun White will win another gold medal in the upcoming Winter Olympics, and in the process, the “Flying Tomato” will boycott the medal ceremony in an effort to have “The Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes” stricken from the record as the worst movie of all-time.
  • Alex Rodriguez will retire from baseball and write a tell-all book regarding everyone else who did the drugs he was found guilty of using.  In the process, he’ll throw friends, family, and teammates under the bus, while denying intentional use on his part.
  • Derek Jeter will date a hot chick.
  • Tiger Woods will win his fifteenth major.
  • An American man won’t win a Tennis major.
  • The MLS will have a woman on a roster.
  • Someone outside of the playoffs will manage to win the Stanley Cup.  That’s right, since seeding seemingly means nothing in the NHL post-season, the only thing left to be done is for a perennial loser to ride the back of a hot goalie to the greatest trophy in professional sports.
  • Jerry Jones will finally see the error of his ways, step-down as General Manager and hire a competent professional in an effort to right the idling ship that is the Dallas Cowboys.  Jones’ desperate attempt at rekindling “the Boys” will result in leadership at the executive level, sound coaching, and a positive direction for a franchise swimming in a black cloud of mediocrity for the better part of two decades.  Okay, maybe not.
  • Performance Enhancing Drugs will further tarnish the integrity of our games, and the players at the highest levels that make them great.
  • LeBron James will stay in Miami, and Chris Bosh will go.  The Cleveland Cavaliers have failed miserably at creating an enticing product for James to come home to, and Chris Bosh is a disposable piece, capable of starting the process of rebuilding around the best player in the game.  “The King’s” return to Cleveland would be an interesting story, but I just don’t see it happening.
  • Chip Kelly will build a legitimate Super Bowl contender out of the Philadelphia Eagles.  This year’s playoff team was just a beginning effort of one of the top-10 coaches in all of football.  With a year under his belt on the field, a bigger hand in personnel decisions, and the trust of the players who’ve seen his system work, I predict the NFL will become the former Oregon coach’s oyster.
  • The Los Angeles Dodgers will not win the World Series, in spite of every attempt to do just that.  New Ownership wants to win now and is exhausting every dollar…errr…option to do it.  But rarely does such a blatant attempt at the easy-way-out actually pay dividends in the manner in which it was intended.
  • Al Davis will rehire Lane Kiffin to coach the Raiders through a medium on a second-rate reality show.  The deceased former owner will explain his decision via a Powerpoint presentation conducted by the medium under the possession of Davis’ ghost, and an interpretation by Geraldo Rivera.
  • The Baltimore Orioles’ Chris Davis will never be heard from again.  Harsh? I know, but I’ve been burned too many times by baseball’s one-hit-wonders to buy any stock in a guy who went from no one to someone…all too quickly.
  • Jason Kidd will be fired as the coach of the Brooklyn Nets, and Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce will click their ruby slippers and chant, “there’s no place like Boston,  there’s no place like Boston.”
  • Boxing will rebound and become relevant for the first time in two decades.
  • Rex and Rob Ryan will reveal that they pulled a real life “Parent Trap” on the New York Jets and New Orleans Saints’ ownership:  Switching positions unbeknownst to their employers, and saving each other’s jobs in the process.
  • The Lakers will stink again, and most of us will enjoy it.
  • Michael Jordan will continue digging the Charlotte Bobcats into a famously deep hole.

There you have it, a handful of my predictions for the 2014 year in sports.  I played it safe at times, went out on a few limbs, and let’s be honest; got a tad creative a time or two.  Regardless, we will be disappointed at times, marvel at what we see at times, and question our sanity at times, all in the name of our love for the games.

Bon Voyage 2013, and a big “welcome” to this year’s soon-to-be unforgettable moments.

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